The Boy in the Striped Pajamas

Any movie involving eight-year-olds and Nazis is bound to be an upbeat romp through a child’s imagination, as we all know. Oh wait, upbeat romp? I mean depressing on par with The Downward Spiral. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas brings no surprises in its emotional direction. It is the story of a young boy named Bruno (Asa Butterfield), whose father is a Nazi commander. The boy and his family are forced to move to the countryside, and Bruno must leave all his friends behind. However, after a bit of exploring around the new house, Bruno finds a concentration camp, where he meets another boy his age. Only this boy happens to be on the other side of the fence.

Of course, Bruno does not understand the situation very well. Throughout much of the movie, he refers to the camp as a “farm,” and wonders why all the farmers are wearing pajamas. Much of the intended drama comes from this type of misunderstanding. Bruno’s ignorance is meant to reflect his innocence, and this innocence is meant to contrast the horrors of these camps quite directly. Needless to say, the boys’ friendship is one of the main sources of drama. The problem with that, however, is that neither boy can act incredibly well. Bruno plays his part fine, I suppose, though some of his more emotional reactions feel less than authentic. The other boy, Schmuel (Jack Scanlon), hardly does more than deliver his lines. His attempts at fear, shame, or, uh, more fear, are usually little more than him looking around rapidly. I suppose it’s asking a lot to expect eight-year-olds to carry such dramatic weight, but they could have done better.

That being said, I feel that the person doing the most emotional work was the mother’s makeup artist. The only time that I felt any character was really having a believable reaction to their surroundings was the mother’s (played by Vera Farmiga) reaction to a certain revelation about the camp, and much of her response came from the fact that she looked like she hadn’t slept for days. Whoever was doing her makeup did a great job. Kudos. Oh, and Pavel (the house’s Jewish servant) played his part very well, and was one of the more convincing characters.

At just over an hour and a half, there should have been more than enough material to keep the story engaging the entire time. I mean, you’re in Nazi Germany, it’s pretty fertile ground for storytelling. Yet for about a half hour in the middle of the film, the action dragged quite a bit. There were a number of scenes here that were comprised mainly of reaction shots of all the characters staring at each other, saying very little. If the pace had continued to drag much longer, I might have left. But I suppose if I could sit through Miracle at St. Anna, I could make it through this, a movie nearly half the length. Thankfully, it got interesting again and I was glad to have stayed.

The cinematography was one thing in particular that I did want to commend. There were a lot of shots that were particularly clever and helped shape the overall perspective and feel of the film. One in particular had Bruno sitting on the stairs at his new home, with a series of vertical bars between him and the camera, not only foreshadowing events to come but also declaring his distaste for the new house, which is well-guarded and which must, to him, feel like a prison. The home he lived in at the beginning was very open and in the city, where Bruno and his friends enjoyed running around, arms outstretched like wings…

While there were a few points in this film where I felt I was being slapped in the face with the message (though, realistically, it’s hard to be subtle with this subject matter), overall it was reasonable. I didn’t feel that anything extraordinarily new was brought to the table, but I didn’t feel entirely disappointed for having seen it. It’s not that it’s bad, really, it’s just not the most memorable movie I’ve seen recently. With an ending that’s just about as depressing as you could imagine based on the setup, you’re not going to leave this one in the cheeriest of moods. But you knew that already.

Role Models

 

After seeing Seann William Scott literally eat shit in American Wedding, I’ve always been wary of any movie willing to place him in a leading role. Fortunately, Role Models avoids his inevitable overuse by placing him in a co-starring role with the strong complementary character Danny (Paul Rudd), who actually tackles most of the drama. This formula, along with a phenomenal cast of secondary characters, makes this easily one of the most enjoyable comedies I’ve seen this year. 

Wheeler (Scott) and Danny (Rudd) are two friends/co-workers who visit elementary schools under the guise of preventative drug education, while at the same time pushing a questionable energy drink – “Minotaur. Taste the beast!” – to these same children. Under increasing pressure and decreasing morale, Danny has something of a bad day and lands the two in court. Once there, they are sentenced to 150 hours of community service in order to avoid jail time. But what community service might a degenerate sex-addict and a self-absorbed asshole possibly provide? Mentoring children, of course. 

While much of the movie plays out predictably (If you’ve ever been to the movies before, you will likely guess 75% of the plot’s course in the first twenty minutes), most of the situations the characters find themselves in are fresh and fun (a camping trip involving far too much Lunesta and an engaged hottie, for one). Also, Role Models has one of most memorable and entertaining climaxes in recent memory, which goes down in a very unique and strangely heartwarming fashion. It does a great job of sewing together the events and people from the rest of the film, without feeling cheap or easy, which is a qualm I have with comedies all too often. It is far from ordinary, but it really works. And there was much rejoicing. 

All of this is made possible by a fantastic cast of characters, not one of whom feels out of place or in any way dull. Everyone has their place in the story, and each one is played extremely well. Bobb’e J. Thompson is hilarious as Ronnie, the destructive bastard child, and Augie Farks (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) lets his “freak flag” fly for Xanthia, an imaginary country he roleplay-fights to protect. Augie and Danny, as mentioned, carry most of the dramatic weight of the movie, and yes, you will probably start to get invested in their strange relationship. They do a great job together, no matter how (intentionally) awkward. While their stories make the movie’s dialogue worth following, Wheeler and Ronnie are comic gold together. The combination of Wheeler’s incredibly weak morals and Ronnie’s adoration for boobies take them through some great situations, none of which should be spoiled here. 

One of my favorite characters, though, was Gayle Sweeny, the head of the mentor organization, played by Jane Lynch. Most of what she says, while usually an attempt at intimidation, just comes out as ridiculous gibberish. “You can’t BS the BSer.” She insists, multiple times, before anyone has even really said anything to her. Every time she came on screen, I found myself pausing to make sure I heard what she was going to say. It’s unlikely that any other casting choice would have been able to pull off the character in quite the same way. 

The movie’s pacing was also excellent, with the action being split fairly evenly between the two pairs of characters (Wheeler and Ronnie / Danny and Augie). At no point did it seem to drag, though as mentioned, there were a few moments of disappointing formulaicism (I know that’s not a word, but… screw it, you know what I mean.). A few times I found myself almost depressed that I was able to guess exactly how a segment would play out, but maybe that’s just because I’m so damn good. Either way, the film’s predictability in no way detracted from my immense enjoyment of it. It was funny as hell (or at the very least engaging and entertaining) throughout, and I will probably be returning to see it again soon. It’s probably not a movie your mother will enjoy (I don’t know of many mothers who would enjoy watching a 10 year old kid repeatedly tell everyone around him to fuck off), but if you like a sprinkle of dirty humor and immaturity (Notice: a sprinkle, this is no Superbad. Also: Mmmmm… sprinkles…) in your comedy, you can’t go wrong with Role Models. Go ahead, Taste the Beast.

007: Quantum of Solace

First things first: What the hell does Quantum of Solace even mean? I just finished watching the movie, and I still have no idea. “Quantum” is mentioned once, I believe as the name of a company or something, but… what? It doesn’t make sense. And that’s a good introduction to my review, because there is a lot about this film that makes very little sense.

One of the primary things that I am curious about is the mind of M (who everyone is now suddenly calling Mum for some reason). She is constantly at odds with her own motivations, passionately denouncing Bond in one scene, and suddenly trusting him fully, for very little reason, in the next. Bond, too, is difficult to keep track of. Friends, enemies, women, all seem to mean very little to him. He’s perhaps too much of a bloodthirsty bastard this time around, which makes him difficult to care for. Personally, I’d prefer having my suave old buddy James back. I feel they took Mr. Craig’s badass Bond too far. He rarely seems to care about anything other than winning. There is a lot of talk revolving around the woman he lost at the end of Casino Royale, and some story moments claim to have something to do with her, but I had some trouble connecting some things (her ex-boyfriend? How does he fit in again? Wha?). Oh yeah, and everyone in this movie is an agent or a traitor. There are no normies, er, “civilians.” It all gets much more complicated than it needs to be, and the plot isn’t nearly interesting enough to keep me following everything.

There are a number of really intense action sequences, though, so even when you find yourself checking the clock during some of the so-called “drama,” chances are that there is a chase/fight/kill scene just around the corner. These are, in Bond tradition, tense and engaging, though the modern trend of over-editing has unfortunately infected 007 quite thoroughly by now. While not to the level of The Bourne Supremacy or Batman Begins, the frantic cuts and over-caffeinated cameraman certainly do come out to play a bit too often. I think it’s possible to remember how a car is driven without constantly being reminded by twenty different quarter-second shots of a pedal being slammed throughout a chase scene. Speaking of chase scenes, a friend noted that the chases covered pretty much all the bases. There was a chase scene in a car, a chase on foot, an aerial chase, and a boat chase. The only thing missing is the underwater submarine-chase, or perhaps one in outer space. Perhaps next time, Mr. Bond.

The acting is mostly strong, though a few of the less-important characters fell a bit short. Some of Bond’s lesser enemies, for example, just don’t feel authentic at all. They don’t really detract from the experience much, though, as the main characters all put on their best angry face and go to town.

Quantum of Solace isn’t going to dethrone your favorite Bond movie, but if it’s action you’re looking for, it does bring the thunder. I can’t really recommend paying full price to see it at the theatre unless you really like ass-kicking. However, if you just want to see some high-budget explosions and chase scenes, and you have no interest in a dynamic plot that makes sense and keeps you engaged, this is your Bond.

LittleBigPlanet

WHAT I LIKE

1. Cutest. Game. Ever. Even if you don’t think of ‘cute’ as being a positive descriptor, you will. This game is bursting with charm, from the obvious Sackboy character to most of the levels and even the British-accented narration. You’ll be smitten almost instantly. The soundtrack adds to this, with some of the catchiest and wackiest songs this side of Katamari Damacy. The best songs show up early in the game, though, so there isn’t a lot to look forward to aurally past the first half. Also, collecting stickers and objects and things is beyond addicting.
2. There really is a lot of variety in the level design. It goes far beyond what you’ve likely seen in commercials. There are a bunch of different zones, each with their own theme, characters, and enemy types. They range from Japanese gardens to city streets to a snowy tundra, and beyond. This keeps the story mode from getting boring, all the way through to the end. It is incredible how much the developers were able to produce with the same level creator they give you.
3. Level creation tools are robust and probably about as easy as they could be while being so powerful. That’s not to say they’re too simplified – there’s definitely a learning curve. But if you are willing to take the time to get a hang of the creator, there is a lot of possibility here.
4. Difficulty ramps up nicely throughout the story mode, with a few surprisingly fun boss fights tossed into the mix. The beginning is incredibly easy, and by the end you’ll be pushing your platforming skills to their limits.
5. Playing with friends is great fun. Even though certain challenging parts are nigh-impossible with multiple players, the added ridiculousness of having your buddies around this crazy world makes for lots of fun. You can slap each other, drag each other around, or just play and solve the special multiplayer puzzles together. It’s is great even online, where matchmaking and joining/dropping games is quick and easy.

WHAT SUCKS

1. The story doesn’t make any sense. It seems like the object of your journey keeps changing for no reason, or is just very vague most of the time. I don’t see how most of the levels fit into the story of “freeing the stolen characters of LBP.” I think that’s what the story is supposed to be, at least.
2. Precision jumps are so much more difficult than they should be, it’s unbelievable. The in-air control/moving jumps feel sloppy and make some parts of the game (last few levels) beyond frustrating. You will even occasionally find yourself balancing on the edge of a platform you should have made it to, with no option but to watch your character slowly slide back off the side to his doom. Sorry, try again. Another frustrating element of the platforming involves the game’s layered approach. There are three layers to any part of a level (foreground, background, and midground), any of which can usually be accessed easily. Unfortunately, the game’s auto-layer-switching isn’t always appropriate, and can lead to unnecessary and infuriating deaths.
3. While the level editor has loads of possibilities, most players aren’t going to take the time to learn it and make a fun level. It’s very time-consuming to even learn the basics of all your creative options. While this wealth of options is a good thing in theory, your average gamer likely isn’t going to take the time necessary to familiarize themselves with the system enough to make actual, timely production feasible. Any time you watch a video of level-creation, it’s in ultra-fast forward. There is a reason for this. Custom objects will likely be much more popular than entire levels.
4. The game encourages you to play with friends by including puzzles requiring multiple players, but some of the game’s other challenges are impossible to get more than one person through at a time. You will likely find yourself choosing the strongest player to complete a section, while allowing the others to die, just so you can move on. Also, multiple players in level creation simply does not work. Unless you have a crack team of highly motivated, savvy and inspired team-players, it is simply too frustrating. The camera strays too far back to make detailed creation possible, and getting people to work closely enough with each other is unlikely.
5. Even though they could have easily included the option, the game fails to include custom soundtracks. Apparently this was a conscious decision by Media Molecule. I disagree with their choice. I would love to listen to some brutal death metal while jumping my cute little Sackboy through the wild. Why, Media Molecule? Why?

IN CLOSING

This game is adorable fun for almost anyone. Even non-gamers will find it irresistible. Once you beat the story mode, going back to collect 100% of the stickers, objects, and other decorations will probably keep many players interested in going back to many of the levels, while unlockable challenges like the aptly-titled Skateboard Freefall are great for repeated plays already. Another reason to keep playing is the wealth of shared levels available online, some of which are amazingly creative, even one week after the game’s official release (this does include beta levels). Unfortunately, the level creation tools are a bit too in-depth to be attractive to most casual gamers, and they take time and dedication to become productive or fun at all. This should not stop you from taking a look into the game, however, as the level-sharing possibilities mean that even after finishing the game, the stream of new levels to play should be practically never-ending, even if you don’t want to take the time to make any yourself. The more I poke around the editor, though, the more familiar I am becoming, which leads to slightly smoother creation of what I want, which will likely lead to design. I guess if you are willing to push through your frustration enough times, it could yield lots of good times. Oh, and with some of the best art design in recent memory, the game looks great, too!

Max Payne

 

A sub-par (read: shitty) video game movie is not a novel idea. From Mortal Kombat to Doom, we have seen epic game stories torn down to their least-engaging elements and squeezed into a two-hour disaster that betrays the filmmaker’s total ignorance of their particular game. Max Payne was no different. The characters, the story, and the atmosphere all wish that they were recreating some bit of the Payne world, but they fail miserably. The only thing that comes close to being reminiscent of the actual games are the environments. When the snow is falling and people are walking around in it, a distant memory of gameplay is evoked. Otherwise, we are all lost.

Mark Wahlberg does a decent job as the broken man of the hour, yet for most of the film, he reminded me nothing of the character he was portraying. He was just another angsty Mark Wahlberg character. There is not nearly enough vengeance during the vast majority of the film for him to feel like Payne. Max Payne is a man who snaps and goes on a rampage. This Payne is much more depressed. He feels like he is still holding onto something. He just becomes another cliché detective with a gun. Max Payne gets his answers through hot lead and super slow-mo, not through dead-end leads and feeling sorry for himself. Thankfully, though, there was a ten-minute segment where he began to hint at the character he was playing, but his drug-induced rampage is far too temporary. The two gunfights in the movie are excellent, but last for maybe 3 minutes each. This is the only point of the film that really got my interest, and it was over far too quickly.

On the story front, I felt somehow disconnected from the tragic events of Max’s past. Perhaps because I knew it was coming, or perhaps because it was just so poorly (and repeatedly) translated to the screen. The story has a new “twist” every step of the way, and it all comes together with a pretty generic explanation that doesn’t draw any emotion whatsoever. The villains in the film are pretty bland, as well, and the big betrayal isn’t as much of a shock as it is a “Really? Are you serious?” moment.

The introduction of the valkyries was something that I had puzzled about over every trailer I had seen for this movie. There were no winged demons in the games, so why are they everywhere in the trailers? Well, they’re everywhere in the movie as well, and their purpose is, shall we say, less than adequately explained. There’s some talk by the overly-knowledgeable tattoo artist (which reminds me of a Ben Stiller cameo in its absurdity) about the creatures, yet their actual purpose in this world remains fairly fuzzy.

Another notable failure in this movie include the casting of Mila Kunis as Mona Sax. Now, for anyone who knows Mona from the games, this is a very obvious mistake. There is no resemblance in appearance or demeanor between the two. For others, watching the movie will make the mistake clear. I don’t know who thought that Meg Griffin would be a good choice for the beautiful femme fatale, but her bouncy voice doesn’t lend itself to semi-automatic weaponry and grit. Fail.

For fans of the games, there are enough small references to the game (the nightclub, for one) to merit an eventual watching. For anyone else, though, you probably shouldn’t bother. The acting is sub-par, the plot is flimsy and too convoluted for its own good, and there are practically no traces of film noir to be found. The storytelling style of the games is far superior, and without even an attempt at some gritty narration, this movie fails in its attempt to recreate this action hero’s journey. Certainly not worth a trip to the theater and $10.

Miracle at St. Anna

Here is my first film review. Enjoy!

Spike Lee dropped the ball on this one. Hard. To call anything about this film a miracle would be lying. In fact, the only miracle I can think of is that I managed to stay in the theater the entire time (I did struggle to maintain consciousness, though). This two hour and forty minute behemoth certainly had enough time to make some very strong statements and, in an ideal world, could have connected the audience to its characters to an exceptional degree. Unfortunately for everyone involved, it did none of these things.

Basically, the bulk of the film takes place in WWII Italy, in a flashback of a veteran who commits a seemingly unprovoked murder in the film’s present. The story follows four black American soldiers who get cut off from the rest of their comrades (in one of the most puzzlingly extreme white demonizations ever put to film) and are forced to take shelter in a small Tuscan village, where they believe themselves surrounded by Nazi forces. Now, to say that this is the main plot of the film might not be entirely true – St. Anna has an incredible number of unnecessary side-plot and sub-plots, which, when the majority of our story is already flashback, end up serving only to convolute and hide the actual story. For the first two hours, I was consistently amazed at the introduction of more and more characters. Even past the point of super-saturation, we got more characters. In a style better suited for horror films, however, many of these characters were only introduced so that they could be killed off later in a grasp for emotional impact. Some of the sub-plots were absolutely nothing more than vessels for audience sympathy toward characters non-integral to the plot, so that their inevitable demise would (hopefully) carry emotional weight. Unfortunately, some of these textbook characters, such as the love interest who brought nothing but a very nice pair of breasts to the screen, were clearly pointless and thus felt more like bait than anything.

By the time the movie returned to its current-events setting, the “shocker” of an ending was already painfully obvious, and its excessive exposition dragged just as much as the rest of the film. The film was much too long. The actual content simply didn’t fill the epic war-movie format very well, and much of the film felt like filler. A flashback within a flashback is usually a bad sign from the start, and with no bearing on the trajectory of the plot, one can only guess at why the numerous pointless scenes were never cut in favor of a more reasonable-length feature. To be honest, though, even if it ran only an hour and a half, this movie would struggle to maintain interesting content. Far too much of the movie was composed of characters exchanging looks that said nothing and advanced nothing.

I would like to attempt to round this out with at least one positive comment, but am struggling to think of something truly noteworthy and good that this film brings forward. The acting ranged from abysmal to at-least-she’s-hot, and the dialogue was often laughably bad. Something tells me the phrase “Nigga please!” wasn’t exactly common parlance in the forties. Also, I would like an explanation of the purpose of the Nazi radio-woman? For about twenty minutes, she basically guides the actions and conversations of anyone who graces the screen, yet after that she is never referred to or used in any way again. Cut it! A few minutes of random characters’ thoughts on God (with no introduction, mind you, just a misplaced montage of deeper thoughts on religion)? Where’d that come from, and why? Cut! A heavy-handed commentary on racism through an ice-cream shop? Cut!! At twenty minutes, the plot might have sufficed as an entertaining and interesting short film. But at almost three hours, your time would be much better spent seeing anything else and regretting it for that extra hour. If, perhaps, Miracle at St. Anna had at least contained the aforementioned miracle, the film would have felt a bit more complete. No such luck.

Condemned 2: Bloodshot

It’s been a while. I recently graduated from Michigan (score), had to move, and have been trying to figure out my life a bit, so I haven’t had a lot of time to write about games. But I’m going to try to get back on track and write here more often. We return with my review of Condemned 2: Bloodshot…

WHAT I LIKE

1. The game is scary. At a few points, it actually caused me to jump in my seat a bit. This is high praise for a horror game, as I am a fan of the horror genre, and it takes a lot to get to me. The chase scenes in particular are incredibly high-tension areas of the game. You haven’t felt fear until you’ve been chased down by a giant bear in an abandoned ski resort.

2. The up-close fighting system makes for intense, personal beatdowns, which can be quite gratifying. Most of the weapons have an appropriately hefty feel and help you feel like quite the badass.

3. Beating the hell out of homeless people is an instant win.

4. Fantastic sound and voice acting really adds a new level to fights. The sound of fist meeting flesh is perfectly brutal, and enemies yelling obscenities at you in the midst of battle helps drive you to finish them.

5. Gritty atmosphere with pretty tasty graphics over a large variety of situations. Even the challenges are mostly fun and help you hone your skills in specific situations.

—

WHAT SUCKS
1. Story? There was a story in this game? Something about a serial killer…

2. It’s really difficult to pick up weapons sometimes. You have to be aiming perfectly at the bastard for the game to acknowledge that you would like to grab it, and if you move an inch you have to find that sweet spot again. This makes it very difficult to pick up a new weapon during a fight.

3. *SEMI-SPOILER* The “superpower” that you get near the end of the game is cheap and unnecessary. However, it is hilarious, so it’s hard to hate.

4. Online play is really weak and incredibly unbalanced. I played a game for a half hour without anyone on my team getting a single kill. It was the cops vs. criminals mode, and the criminals had no real weapons or armor, while the cops had some nice firepower. Lame.

5. Power-ups are based on your proficiency with the game’s investigation system, which sometimes feels arbitrary. Oh yeah, and combos are a pain in the ass to pull off. I got through the entire game without learning more than perhaps three of them…

—

IN CLOSING

With one of the grittiest atmospheres yet to appear in a video game, Condemned 2 is really an adult game. While the story is a fairly weak excuse for putting the game’s various scenarios together, it is still fun to go through them. From a decrepit doll factory to an abandoned ski resort, the game makes great use of its environments to give you fun new things to do (using creepy exploding dolls as projectiles, running from a big-ass bear…). I recommend playing by yourself at night, though, because… what better way to play? The first person perspective brings a new twist on horror, and pulls it off very well, by forcing you to get up close and personal with your enemies via heavy emphasis on melee combat.
I would definitely recommend this game for anyone interested in getting a little scared, or who just want to let their frustrations out by beating on some (possessed) homeless people. But if you prefer your gaming colorful, happy, or gore-less, then Condemned isn’t exactly going to float your boat.

Metal Gear Solid 4

WHAT I LIKE

1. Damn near everything. If you can handle the cut-scenes and convoluted story, this game will blow your mind. There are so many new features and ideas incorporated in this game that have never been attempted before, it truly expands the medium as an art. Metal Gear Solid 4 is interactive cinema. There were moments when I wasn’t sure if I was watching a cinematic or playing until I tried to do something and realized it was playable, and in these moments I was smitten even more than the rest of the game. Kojima has created a masterpiece here. Even the online play is really great, and feels very carefully polished.

2. This game has the best graphics I’ve seen in a console game yet. Coupled with the series’ most free-roaming camera, the game is beautiful to look at from start to finish. The cinematics are all done with the game’s engine, which makes transitions seamless, and really shows off the power of the PS3. You are even free to zoom in on anything during almost any cutscene, which really shows how great the game looks. It’s damn near impossible to find flaws in the graphics.

3. The combat system has been revamped from previous games, and now easily holds its own against other third- or first-person shooters. Similarly to GTA4, including such great shooting mechanics in a game that isn’t necessarily focused on combat really makes the game stand out even more. You have the option to go third-person or first-person at any time, with any weapon (even while piloting a certain… “vehicle”… *cough*).

4. The game is constantly changing, and the special levels (”set-piece battles”) are all done well enough to be their own game. Giving away any specifics would detract from the giddy rush you’d feel upon finding them for yourself, so I won’t say more, but you will probably only spend slightly more than half of your game time sneaking around normally.

5. The story is great, and takes you to some quite memorable locations, new and old. The emotional impact of going to locations from previous games is certainly noteworthy, unless you’ve never played the old games, in which case the awesome play features that come with some of them (no spoilers here!) will be enough for newcomers to the series to enjoy, and just might make them want to go back and check out past installments.

(I could easily go on here, but I’ll try to exercise some restraint and keep with my formatting choice of five and five)

—

WHAT SUCKS

1. The game loads way too often (there was one chase scene that had the game loading literally every 20 seconds or more). This is just absurd. I don’t care how much detail goes into a scene, you’re throwing out all that possible immersion by making me stare at a loading screen every time our car goes through a gate. Also, the game features multiple installs. Yes, you read that right. Not only does it install for about ten minutes the first time you try to play, but between each act (there are five), you have to wait for the game to install again for a few minutes (though none are as long as the first). This also means that you have to install every time you load up a save from a different act. This is ludicrous and maddening enough as it is, but the designers have opted to add little life tips on the install screens such as “Please throw your trash away in proper receptacles” or “Smoking is bad for your health” and other preachy bits of wisdom, while we watch Snake smoke. If you don’t want kids to think smoking is cool, at least take the cigs out of the mouth of the coolest guy on the planet while you’re telling us not to. …Sorry, I got a little carried away.

2. Too much exposition. While it is standard in MGS games, it still drags sometimes when the characters are telling you the same things again and going into significantly more detail than anyone, anywhere cares about. The pacing of the cut scenes could be fixed greatly, as they often drag on and feel far too preachy. Whenever the screen blanks out and cuts to the slide-show format, it’s time to get a beer. The story is so insane and convoluted that many of these are simply reiterations of previous information, to try to help you piece it all together.

3. The ending… kinda sucked. I was really hoping the series would go out with a bang, not like Matrix 3. A sunset and a voiceover telling us that we need to live our lives isn’t really a fresh or interesting way to end such a monumentally insane and awesome action-game series.

4. Some bosses didn’t take any more than a stream of bullets to take out. This is odd for Metal Gear, as usually all bosses are unique and require at least some kind of thought and trial-and-error to figure out.

5. In keeping with the idea of taking forever to play, signing up for online play is an absurd process, requiring two additional usernames and passwords to play. I’m not sure why they couldn’t have just used my PSN ID, like every other PS3 game.
IN CLOSING

This game really is a work of art, and expands the medium of the videogame in new directions. This game will be studied and emulated by other games, guaranteed. Despite a ridiculously convoluted and sometimes pretentious story, the characters work and the game is a great success of storytelling in its presentation. The variety of gameplay makes it difficult to put down the controller, and the weapons, items, and characters are all just as varied and interesting. In a time of quality fourth installments, this game does not disappoint. It has its flaws, sure, but the hours of fantastic gameplay you will get from this game far outshine them, and will make you glad you own a PS3, even if sometimes it even gets a little uppity about that fact as well (and yet makes virtually no use of the Sixaxis functionality…) Overall, if you liked the other Metal Gear games (except maybe MGS2, which was mostly useless), you probably have already played this one. If not, do it now. If you haven’t played the other ones, this might not be the best place to start, as you will likely be totally lost by much of the story, but you will still love the gameplay, so I would recommend it.

Oh yeah, and Raiden is back. He’s a badass now.

Grand Theft Auto 4

WHAT I LIKE

1. Beautiful lighting system breathes life into a world that feels very ‘alive.’ The different lighting schemes for different weather help to set dramatic moods and look amazing. That’s not to mention the truly awe-inspiring explosion effects in the game.

2.The new combat system, which includes lock-on targeting and a Gears-esque cover system, holds its own against other strict shooter games. It goes way beyond what one typically expects from a game with so much else going on, and is an incredible step for the series, making combat with a number of enemies not only possible, but really fun.

3. The main character, Niko Bellic, is incredibly likable. He has a deep backstory, clever dialog, and his voice acting is superb. You want him to succeed. In fact, almost all the characters in the game are very well acted and unique. While this has been standard for the past few GTA games, 4 steps it up even more, giving you many choices which will influence the way other characters will treat you. To become friends (or stay friends) with characters, you actually have to treat them like friends, by taking them out for drinks, bowling, or a number of other activities.

4. The level of detail in the game world and its mechanics is stunning. There is a huge amount of content that many people will probably never see, and more unique gameplay mechanics than ever – you can search out criminals by stealing a cop car and using their criminal database, you can watch TV in your apartment for hours, you can surf the in-game internet and get new cell phone ring-tones, or go to a dating site… the options are really stunning.

5. The new physics engine makes carnage feel quite brutal, and adds another level to an already very ‘alive’ city. Hitting someone with a car is almost painful to watch, and will leave realistic bloody marks across your hood. The citizens have a much more believable self-preservation AI, as well. During one intense police shootout, I noticed a civilian had taken cover behind a car I was about to steal. When I drove away, he looked genuinely shocked to lose his cover and ran away in fear.

—

WHAT SUCKS
1. While the lighting system looks great during the day, at night the city loses a lot of its flavor, and the graphics no longer look next-gen at all. On a purely visual level, it barely looks better than San Andreas at night. The character/car/building models alone don’t cut it, and it is only with the beautiful lighting that they truly stand out.

2. The vehicle physics feel as if they are designed for more realistic (read: slower) driving, which takes a lot of getting used to. Gone are the days of speeding through the city with the pedal to the floor. If you want to make a tight turn in this game, you have to slow down pretty far, or you’re likely to spin out entirely. While I understand the desire for more realistic driving in such a down-to-earth world, I still hate it. This is a videogame, let me live my street-racing fantasies! For those frustrated by the driving, though, the new Taxi system helps. You just tell the driver where to go, and you can skip right there if you like, for a small fee.

3. For how animated the city is, barely any of the building can be entered. It is somewhat disappointing to have this incredible world on the outside, but almost no access to interiors. I would love to be able to get in an elevator (or stairs) in a really tall building, go up to the roof, and start sniping. Now I have to get a helicopter.

4. There is no good metal station. Liberty City HardCore is as close as it gets, but is terrible. San Andreas had a good hard rock station, why not 4?

5. The god damn game corrupted my save file after 32 hours of glorious play, crippling my progress and frustrating me to no end. One day in game, I simply found I had no more available missions, and none of my contacts would answer their phone. Bah.

IN CLOSING

Overall, this game is just amazing. Notice that most of my “negative” comments are followed by positives which negate them somewhat. Aside from getting screwed really badly by corrupt data, I really can’t complain about this game, as it is one of the most incredible experiences you will have playing a game to date. All the elements of the game work very well together, from the city to the characters to the story. You will have fun playing this game. With the American Dream as such a prevalent theme, this game is just that. Buy this game.

New Format?

So my review of Army of Two was, for many reasons, less than great. It was written all at once, while I was quite tired, before I even beat the game. Also, standard format reviews are pretty boring unless you have faith in the reviewer, and obviously I have yet to establish myself. So I’m going to try something shorter, more accessible, and a bit more unique for a while. I will list 5 things that work about the game, that I like, and then 5 things that I would change, or that suck, or could be done better. Hopefully this works out. I’ll start with Army of Two, since I’ve now beaten (and sold back to EB) the game.

WHAT WORKS

1. Designing a game around two-player scenarios is a sweet idea, and could force many players to interact and communicate more than in your average shooter. Dragging a fallen comrade out of harm’s way while still firing is pretty goddamn hardcore.

2. The game looks pretty good. The graphics aren’t the best I’ve ever seen, but they’re definitely strong, and the physics (ragdolls of enemies especially) are fairly realistic, with a little exaggeration for entertaining effect.

3. Aggro system makes for really intense fire-fights, gratifying pwnage. You can really get up close and personal with enemies, and trading aggro is fun and provides a bit of strategy that feels natural, rather than forcing complex strategies on the player.

4. Movement controls are great, characters responsive (same can’t be said for aiming, unfortunately), cover system works well enough to merit its near-constant use.

5. Customizing weapons feels rewarding, and even though “pimping” your gun doesn’t help you in any way, it is hilarious. Oh yeah, and the masks add a nice element of badassery to the mix.

—–

WHAT’S WEAK

1. Not enough enemy variety at all. Aside from the amusing suicide bombers, every enemy in this game (including the bosses) has the exact same feel. They are all smaller than you (which makes boss fights really lame – who wants to fight a boss that feels like a normal enemy?) and the enemies that need to be shot from behind feel like a ploy to force you to use the aggro system, rather than a well-designed foe

2. If you’re only going to have one vehicle in a game, why wouldn’t you at least make it good? The developers said they removed other vehicles from the game because they didn’t feel they were solid enough… I’d hate to see how bad they were, because the hovercraft is crap. It controls poorly and just doesn’t feel entirely necessary. Though the break from standard run-and-gun is welcome.

3. Characters are douches. BIG douches. In an attempt to make them more “hip,” they were turned into caricatures of modern douchebag culture, and I can’t sympathize with this. Stop calling me Bro, Salem.

4. The level design sucks. Sure, the aircraft carrier level is pretty good, but I found myself checking my “GPS” way too often. A level’s design should allow me to easily identify goals or usable objects. This doesn’t happen. Only with GPS does the obscure button in the dark corner become visible, whereas the bright yellow one in the middle of the room doesn’t do a thing. What the hell?

5. After beating the game (final boss was one of the weakest parts of the game… from this guy’s earlier displays of power, he really shouldn’t have just stood there letting me shoot him until he died. That was literally how the final battle went down. I digress), there is absolutely no reason to play again, unless you have a friend who is really interested in playing. AI is surprisingly stupid at times (refusing to help with small tasks like opening a required door), and there just isn’t enough interesting content to merit a second run-through.

So that’s it… hopefully you liked this format, because I kinda do, and I’m going to try to see how it works for a while, hopefully refining it all the time. Next review should be up soon, whenever I figure out which game to do. I just bought Condemned 2, so perhaps that will be it, if I can get through it relatively soon.